k

Quotes K

My life is a shambles...I need pie.
--Michael Keaton, Multiplicity

I get winded when I use a rotary phone.
--Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist

Last month, my aunt passed away. She was cremated. We think that's what did it.
--Jonathan Katz

Why do they sell lemon juice made with artificial ingredients and lemon floor polish made with real lemon juice. Now I drink tea with a twist of Mop 'n Glo.
--Bobby Kelton

Remember - the Psychic Pop-Tarts® answers are just for fun, any corresponding impact, influence or intervention by cosmic forces is purely coincidental.
--Kellog's Psychic Pop-Tarts Site

Bob Dole's library burned down. Both books were destroyed, and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them yet.
--Attributed to Jack Kemp

You've been a bad boy. Go to my room.
--Kelly

Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy.
--Henry Kissinger

This life isn't bad for a first draft.
--Joan Konner

I went to a bookstore the other day. I asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you that would defeat the whole purpose."

Some guy broke into our house last week. He didn't even take the TV. He just took the remote control. Now he drives by and changes channels on us.

My wife and I went to Spain for our honeymoon. We get to fly for free because of my wife's job. She's a terrorist.

My mother from time to time puts on her wedding dress. Not because she's sentimental. She just gets really far behind in her laundry.

My father's a strange guy. He's allergic to cotton. He has pills he's supposed to take, but he can't get them out of the bottle.

In high school, my sister went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him because he was the captain of the chess team. They figured that any guy that took hours to make a move was okay with them.

I love being married. I was single for a long time and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.
--Brian Kiley

I'm Canadian--it's like American, but without the gun.
--Kids in the Hall

If a woman hasn't met the right man by the time she's twenty-four, she may be lucky.
--Deborah Kerr

I told him he was married, but he wouldn't believe me.

If a language has been around for 2,000 years, and you encounter something that language cannot describe, it's time to learn another language.
--Laura Kelly

One day, they all decided to get a cow.
--Laura Kelly, "Ruth's Life"

It's not that easy being green.
--Kermit the Frog

You shouldn't have to go to high school until you've had lots of therapy and are ready for it.
--Marilyn Kentz

Arrogance is bliss.
--Elizabeth L. Kaminsky

Speak softly, and wear a loud shirt.
--Kimo's Rules

To do is to be.
--Plato

To be is to do.
--Kant

Do be do be do.
--Sinatra

If at first you don't succeed - YOU DID IT WRONG!

I love being me, but I can't recommend it.
--David M. Kilgore

I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal and really that's such a small part of it.
--Laura Kightlinger

The sins of the father are often visited on the sons-in-law.
--Joan Kiser

Probably the worst thing about being Jewish during the Christmastime holidays is shopping in stores, because the lines are so long. They should have a Jewish express line. "Look, I'm a Jew, it's not a gift. It's just paper towels.

I have one brother I borrowed so much money from, he's like a human credit card. I go into a store with a picture of him and say, "You take Fred?"
--Sue Kolinsky

Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates LEGOS.
--Tony Kornheiser

After thirty-eight years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear. "My dad owns a liquor store."

My dad came to my wedding day with this advice, "Son, don't ever cheat on your wife. You don't want to risk your life's happiness for eight minutes of pleasure." "You're up to eight minutes?"
--Mark Klein

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
--Helen Keller

Being a mother is a noble status, right? Right. So why does it change when you put "unwed" or "welfare" in front of it.
--Florynce Kennedy

I always wanted to do comedy, but my mother was not in favor of it. She used to wake me up in the middle of the night: at one in the afternoon. "Vy don't you get a job? Vy don't you become a lawyer, and accountant? Do something. Become a doctor. Vy do you have to become an actor and make yourself crazy?" Mom, why do you talk to me like that? We're not even Jewish.
--Harvey Korman

If it's in your way, knock it over.
--Klingon Proverb

The Eberbach sexual uncertainty principle, which changes depending on the viewer.
--Kim

I was so grey that you could almost not see me in the dark.
--Kassandra, "Deep End"

Television is a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
-- Ernie Kovacs

He was a supremely bland man, no older than thirty-five, who was perhaps a little too excited about Everybody in Khakis.
--Mallory Klohn, "Kids Under Twelve Drink Free"

Disclaimer: A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away, George Lucas created Star Wars. And he looked at it and saw that it was good. And all was right in the world. But then, we saw that Obi-Wan doth look upon Qui-Gon with lust, and that Mr. Lucas was not likely to include that in the next movie, so we said screw it and wrote it ourselves, even though we do not make any money off of this. And all was right with the world.
--Keelywolfe, "Marks of Permanence"

He could possibly have accepted this, but it was the pyjamas themselves that were throwing him off so badly. Electric yellow and fluorescent orange ducklings frolicked on a dark purple background. They were quite possibly the ugliest things Xander had ever seen, and living on the Hellmouth, he *knew* from ugly, was a veritable expert on the subject, even.
--Kay, "A Matter of Control"

It is impossible to write about sex and not reveal too much of yourself. Wheras I think it is possible to have sex and reveal nothing of yourself whatsoever.
--Tony Kushner

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