h

Quotes H

Some persons talk simply because they think sound is more manageable than silence.
--Margaret Halsey

Nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach.
--Barbara Hower

Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.
--Jim Hightower

I wasn't allowed to speak while my husband was alive, and since he's gone, no one has been able to shut me up.
--Hedda Hopper

The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor.
--Wilma Scott Heide

It's time to stop denying the "inner bitch" in ourselves. Stop apologizing for her. Set her free.
--Elizabeth Hilts

I joined a singles group in my neighborhood. The other day the president called me up and said, "Welcome to the group. I want to find out what kind of activities you like to plan." I said, "Well, weddings."

You got to be on your toes when you are reading personal ads. So many of the guys feel the need to point out that they are like Seinfeld. Basically, what that tells me is that they have weird, annoying friends.

I just broke up with someone. He was a comic. I'm glad we broke up before we were married because can you imagine the custody battle between two divorcing comics? It would be like, "All right, I get the joke about the house. You get the joke about the car." "What about the kids?" "Ah, take 'em. They're not funny."
--Lynn Harris

You must speak or you get nothing.
--Michael Hoffman

I don't like to hug because to me it could lead to other things--like pick-pocketing.
I always find money in public phones--when I bring a screwdriver along.
--Linda Herskovic

I come from a typical American family. You know, me, my mother, her third husband, his daughter from a second marriage. My step-sister. Her illegitimate son.
--Carol Henry

Something is wrong here: sex has been with us since the human race began its existence, yet I would estimate that ninety percent of human beings still suffer from enormous inhibitions in this area.
--Xaviera Hollander

In the heterosexual imagination, everything that gay people do becomes sexualized. Thay think that's all we're doing, and, unfortunately, it's not. I wish that being a lesbian were as juicy as I think Jesse Helms thinks it is.
--Holly Hughes.

Babies don't need fathers, but mothers do. Someone who is taking care of a baby needs to be taken care of.
--Amy Heckerling

Just got off the road. My Flying Saucer Tour. Like flying saucers, I've been appearing in small southern towns.
--Bill Hicks

If you can not answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.

It seems ironic that the Republican Party is always telling voters that they will "clean house." I thought that Republicans usually hire illegal aliens for that task.
--Elbert Hubbard

Life is hard. It does kill you after all.

I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn't do what I wanted, I'd kill it.

If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.

Plain women know more about men than beautiful women do.

I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be the inferior sex.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
--Katharine Hepburn

"Slut" is a term subject to individual interpretation. My favorite definition of a "slut" is:
Slut: Woman with the morals of a man.
--M Heikkinen

Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.
--Nicole Hollander

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock.
--Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Always be smarter than the people who hire you.
--Lena Horne

Do unto others, then run.
--Benny Hill

Somewhere in the world there's somebody better than me . . . But I haven't met him yet.
--Arthur Hobson.

Yield to Temptation, it may not pass your way again.

An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
--Robert Heinlein

If you realize too acutely how valuable time is, you are too paralyzed to do anything.
--Katherine Butler Hathaway

It is not good to see people who have been pretending strength all their lives to lose it even for a minute.

I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
--Lillian Hellman

All that you suspect about women's friendships is true. We talk about dick size.
--Cynthia Heimel

My mother said it was simple to keep a man; you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.
--Jerry Hall

We should make use of our security, our seniority, to take risks, to make noise, to be courageous, to become unpopular.
--Carolyn G. Heilbrun

Ultimately, we have just one moral duty: to reclaim large areas of peace in ourselves, more and more peace, and to reflect it toward others. And the more peace there is in us, the more peace there will be in our troubled world.
--Etty Hillesum

Being alone and liking it is, for a woman, an act of treachery, an infidelity far more threatening than adultery.
--Molly Haskell

Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me.
--Zora Neale Hurston

Rules are for people who don't know how to get around them.
--Tori Harrison

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
--Helen Hayes

So you can look dweeby in a bathing suit?
--Steve Hostettler on Bill Gates

Author's notes: I've noticed that my stories tend to feature quite a lot of rampant and unrestrained sandwich eating. I actually cut a few sandwiches from this story, believe it or not. But I like sandwiches and I think they lend a realistic and sandwich-y feel to matters. Or perhaps I'm just hungry.
--Helen, "Other Kinds of Things"

Habits are hard to break; ripples in a pond disperse quickly enough, replaced by the skittering business of water bugs and frogs and Natural History, Qui-Gon thought, is a thoroughly uninformative analogy for personal relationships.
--Helen, "Lost In Translation"

This is a page for what is politely called erotic fiction. Sometimes, perhaps while examining my closet in dismay for something clean to wear, I will realize: "Hey, I write pornographic stories based on a UPN television show." But this page isn't about pride. It's more about anonymity and procrastination. But you should know that it's illegal to read this drivel if you're under eighteen and that it's not my fault if you can't count. Orrin Hatch says: get the hell out if you aren't old enough.

The word 'sexy' is on the back cover, which is pretty much enough for me.

Did Helen dump scrabble tiles in the middle of her bed and roll around on them without her shirt on in the name of research? yes, she did.
--Helen

It is one thing to want somebody out of your life--it is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.
--Veronica, Heathers

If I had to choose between "y'all" and a laptop, I'd take "y'all."
--Evan Harrison

The two watched the football game as two macho heterosexual men would. Except for when they were rating the attractiveness of the players on the highly precise "Krycek nummyness" scale.
--Michelle Hansen, "Football, Beer, and Bubble Baths"

Many gay men will count straight women among their friends, and many lesbians will befriend gay men - but almost nobody hangs out with straight guys.
-- Gerald Hannon, The Globe and Mail, 1992

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