d

Quotes D

Sure. Can't bust up the Hellfire Club without backup. Well known truth and such.
--Dex, To Mistress With Love-Jubilee

How do you know my dim-witted inexperience isn't merely a subtle form of manipulation used to lower people's expectations thereby enhancing my ability to effectively maneuver within any given situation?
-- Dewey, Scream 2

Cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
--Missy Dizick

Lotta self-help tapes out there. Got one called "How to Handle Disappointment." I got it home and the box was empty.
--Jonathon Droll

PS- My only original character of note was a prostitue. Needless to say, she wasn't a Mary Sue. <g>
--Dasha

Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends.
--Jacques Delille

Most women set out to change a man, and when they have changed him they don't like him.

In America, sex is an obsession; in other parts of the world it's a fact.

The average man is far more interested in a woman who is interested in him than he is in a woman--any woman--with beautiful legs.
--Marlene Dietrich

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men; I'm tired of karate.

I never made Who's Who, but I'm featured in What's That.

The way we know the kids are growing up: The bite marks are higher.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.

My photographs do me an injustice. They look just like me.

I descended to from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
--Phyllis Diller

They say they are going to call you at about seven o'clock. It's seven and they haven't called. So you say, okay, I'll fix myself a drink. So you have a drink, then you have another, and you have another. Now you're drunk. It's five after seven and they haven't called.

You ever notice when you're with someone and they taste something that tastes bad, they always want you to taste it immediately. "This is disgusting. Taste it."

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven today and we don't know where the hell she is.

I have fish for pets. That's what I have. Goldfish. It was originally for the stress thing. They say if you watch fish, it helps you relax, to fall asleep, which explains why I always doze off when I'm snorkeling.

The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.

I was coming home from kindergarten--well, they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

People always ask me, "Were you funny as a child?" Well, no, I was an accountant.
--Ellen Degeneres

I don't mind hecklers. I know how to ignore people. I was an airline stewardess.
--Joanne Dearing

I dress for women and undress for men.
--Angie Dickinson

You need someone to love you while you're looking for someone to love.
--Shelagh Delaney

You lose so many laughs by not laughing at yourself.
--Sara Jeannette Duncan

I have always dated men for their height rather than for their wealth because . . . I wasn't thinking.
--Frances Dilorinzo

When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?
--Gary Dulude

A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.
--Lillian Day

You don't have to be a house to be haunted.
--Emily Dickinson

I don't pray because I don't want God to know where I am.
--Marsha Doble

I have no self-confidence. When girls tell me yes, I tell them to think it over.

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is, "Don't tell the butcher!"

I lost my parents at the beach when I was a kid. I asked a lifeguard to help me find them. He said "I don't know, kid, there are so many places they could hide."
--Rodney Dangerfield

If you want to lose weight you have to exercise. I tried, went to the spa. They had this new machine there called Nautilus. I couldn't figure out hoe it worked, so I just strapped it on and dragged it around. I'm up to five machines now.
--Frank D'Amico

When a man gives his opinion he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch.
--Bette Davis

I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately. The other day my mood ring exploded.
--Janine DiTullio

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
--Isadora Duncan

The two important things I learned were that you are as powerful and as strong as you allow yourself to be, and that the most difficult part of any endeavor is taking the first step, making the first decision.
--Robyn Davidson

I hate the outdoors. To me, the outdoors is where the car is.
--Will Durst

If [women] understood and exercised their power they could remake the world.
--Emily Taft Douglas

What possible difference would it make if Jim did think he was bi or gay - or even a cabbage, for that matter.
--Jack Rueben Darcy, "What You Wish For"

Only peril can bring the French together. One can't impose unity out of the blue on a country that has 265 different kinds of cheese.
--Charles Andre Joseph Marie de Gaulle

Now I have a baby, and I like to give it the support and love I never got. I say things like, "You're so cute . . . and smart . . . and telekinetic. You can start fires with your brain.
--Andy Dick

Had this been a Hollywood movie, the hopeful, dramatically inspiring, title-track-of-the-soundtrack music would have been cued, leading up to a slow-motion tender kiss. Had this been a...slightly less respectable film, the cheesy 70's tune with pumping bass would have commenced, leading up to a lightning-quick shedding of clothes for an unbelievably long session of ill-lit Kama Sutra-style circus sex.
--De Orakle, "Pterodactyl-philia"

Dara (who recently came to the heartening realization that she is not her platinum card)

Dara, who had a hilariously surreal moment this weekend when she mentioned her current obsession to another slasher who happened to be a Microsoft employee

Dara, subverting the dominant paradigm one paranoid heterosexual male at a time

Heh. All that'll change when I'm dictator, of course. "One nation, under slash, with plotbunnies and tequila for all!"
--Dara

If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
--Thomas De Quincey

A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z
Miscellaneous anonymous quotes | Main Quotes Page