c

Quotes C

What you do with the voices in your head is your business.
--Cerebus, "High Society"

A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad.
--Christopher Case

I shall be an autocrat, that's my trade; and the good lord will forgive me, that's his.
--Catherine the Great

If crime fighters fight crime, and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us , do they?

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a part of hell will break loose . . . it'll be much harder to detect.

I wonder if on a rainy night, the sandman sends the mudman.

Do you ever get the vuja day feeling? Not déjà vu. This is vuja day: the strange feeling that none of this has ever happened before.

You don't think times have changed? The Swiss Army knife has an ear-piercing tool on it.

Who says life is sacred--God? Hey, if you read your history, God is one of the leading causes of death.

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
--George Carlin

Learn the lines and don't bump into the furniture.
--Noel Coward

I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse.
--Charles V

There is a way to find out if a salesman at the Gap is gay. Very simple. Just ask him to name the colors of the things in the store.
--Scott Capurro

One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.
--Marie Curie

Life itself is the proper binge.
--Julia Child

Treat your friends as you do your paintings and place them in the best light.
--Jennie Jerome Churchill

Errol Flynn died on a seventy-foot boat with a seventeen-year-old girl. Walter has always wanted to go that way, but he's going to settle for a seventeen-footer with a seventy-year-old.
--Betsy Cronkite

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel, and incompetent comes naturally to me.
--John Cleese

My parakeet died. We were playing badminton.
--Danny Curtis

Deer don't eat hogs.

It's not gender based; it's Max based.
--Cam Case

Never do anything yourself that others can do for you.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have because the older she gets the more interested he becomes.
--Agatha Christie

It doesn't make any difference what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.
--Mrs. Patrick Campbell.

When you were quite a little boy, somebody ought to have said "hush" just once.
--Mrs. Patrick Campbell to George Bernard Shaw

Animal behaviorists have found that in order to attract a mate, a weasel will occasionally found Microsoft and make 12 billion dollars.
--Justin Cook

Me want cookie.
--Cookie Monster

When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.
--Ilka Chase

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
--Shirly Conran

Diane: Hi everybody! Guess why I'm here?
Carla: Generations of inbreeding?
--Cheers

Joined a health club last year, spent four hundred bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.
--Rich Ceisler

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
--Johnny Carson

The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting.
--Amanda Cross

My brother gave me his Pinto, but he neglected to tell me one thing: It doesn't handle well on pavement.
--Christine Crosby

There's a stereotype that black people are lazy. I don't know if that's true, but I know white people went all the way to Africa to get out of doing work.

Somebody gave me a Bob Dylan tape for Christmas. One good thing about Bob Dylan, when the batteries run down in my Walkman, he still sounds the same.
--Lance Crouther

If you have kids, God bless you. The only thing more wonderful than having kids is not.
--Brent Cushman

I learned something the other day. I learned that Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them.
--Bruce Clark

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.

One of the best things about love is just recognizing a man's step when he climbs the stairs.
--Collette

A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.

Since men are bigger than us, we've learned to be the sneakier of the sexes.
--Cher

Everyone makes a greater effort to hurt other people than to help himself.
--Alexis Carrel

Elegance is refusal.

There is a time for work. And a time for love. That leaves no other time.
--Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.
--Marcelene Cox

There is so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy on the streets?
--Dick Cavett

There is probably nothing like living together for binding people to each other.
--Ivy Compton-Burnett

I just got back from England. Had a hard time fitting in. So I tried to make myself feel comfortable, hang out in the black community. But both of those brothers were having a hard time fitting in, too.
--Dave Chappelle

I know God is not a woman--no woman would have created men with so many imperfections.
--Jill M. Consideine

What do you have to say about the world's only clairvoyent dessert: the fortune cookie.

I did buy a vacuum, but let me tell you, it sucks.
--Dave Chapman

If the lion shall one day lie with the lamb, then I trust and firmly believe that the gay and the straight will one day openly share a Boy Scout tent.
--Kevin Cherry

Mmmmm, Kirk jumping out of my chicken soup...

Well, when you see a ref to Ben Casey on a list and you wonder where the slash went to... I think that means I'm officially corrupt. Not that there's anything wrong with that <g>.
--Joanne Collins

Natlet likes corruption. it's more fun than homework
--Nat Carter

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