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I don't believe in the afterlife but I am taking along a change of underwear just in case.

When I was Kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Eternal nothingness is fine is you happened to be dressed for it.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

A Bay Area bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
--Woody Allen

It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the union.
--Susan B. Anthony

A fool and his money were lucky to get together in the first place.
--Harry Anderson

Women give themselves to God when the devil wants nothing more to do with them.
--Sophie Arnould

Life's like a bowl of Jell-O, if it's too clear, it can't be any good, (and, like life, it's always better with vodka!)
--A.B

First it's insults, then a knife in the back! What are you guys--lawyers?!
--Armstrong, Archer & Armstrong #7.

"And so Artemis, what we need to know is; was that you in the grave? Were you DEAD?"
"Yes, I was dead . . . But I got BETTER."
--Artemis-Requiem #4--DC

This is a revolution, damn it! We're going to have to offend SOMEbody!
--John Adams, 1776

Should a woman give birth after thirty-five? Thirty-five is enough kids for anybody.

You've buttered your bread, now sleep in it.
--Gracie Allen

I refuse to admit that I'm more than fifty-two years old, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

I married beneath me. All women do.
--Nancy Astor

I don't believe man is woman's natural enemy. Perhaps his lawyer is.
--Shana Alexander

Doctor, feel my purse.
--Jane Ace

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

There was a point to this narrative, but it has presently escaped the chronicler's mind.
--Douglas Adams

Andy, whose curiosity has killed many cats.

Our parents got divorced when we were kids and it was kind of cool. We got to go to divorce court with them. It was like a game show. My mom won the house and car. We were all excited. My dad got some luggage.
--Tom Arnold

Oh give me a clone
A clone of my own
With its Y chromosome changed to an X
Then me and my clone
My clone of my own
Will soon have nothing but sex.
--Isaac Asimov, Hugo-award-winning perv

If there is anything disagreeable going on, men are sure to get out of it.
--Jane Austen

Advice to men: Don't argue with your mate in the kitchen, because we know where everything is and you don't.
--Diane Amos

I will never forget my first day of school. My mom woke me up, got me dressed, made my bed and fed me. Man, did the guys in the dorm tease me.

I called the Psychic Friends hotline. We spoke for six hours and she did not realize that I wasn't going to pay my bill.
--Michael Aronin

The prostitute is the only honest woman left in America.
--Ty-Grace Atkinson

I did not hear the words you said.
Instead, I heard the love.
--Joan Walsh Anglund

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks for nothing.
--Joey Adams

War has become a luxury that only small nations can afford.
--Hannah Arendt

The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes.
--Bella Abzug

Women have been called queens for a long time, but the kingdom given them isn't worth ruling.
--Louisa May Alcott

I had a hard time at the bank today. I tried to take out a loan and they pulled a real attitude with me. Apparently, they won't accept the voices in my head as references.
--Steve Altman

When I was forty, I used to wonder what people thought of me. Now I wonder what I think of them.
--Brooke Astor

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
--Fred Allen

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

Men are pigs. Aren't we, women? Too bad we own everything--just kidding.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
--Tim Allen

Are you the Sylvia of 'Gift of an Enemy'? Because, if yes, I think I need to write a worship-email...
--Arii

Last month, the Modern Library's editorial board announced its selections for the 100 best nonfiction books of the 20th century. Included among the top 20 were works by Virginia Woolf, John Maynard Keynes, E.M. Forster, James Baldwin, and Gertrude Stein. (Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring" was No. 5, actually, but the official story is that her decade-spanning relationship with another woman was just a "remarkable friendship," and there's absolutely no reason to suspect that a lifelong bachelorette who cut her hair short and told other women to call her "Ray" might possibly be non-straight. So, remember, that's *five* queer writers in the top 20, not six.)
--Amazon.com Delivers Gay Studies, May 12, 1999

Wherein Blair and Jim get stuck in an elevator and if you can't guess what happens, then you really need to read more slash. Way more.
--alyjude, summary for "If Ben Were Here & Sentinels Weren't So Stupid"

Up with miniskirts! Down with Jason's trousers! Weeee!!!!

"We Are Lars of Borg. Resistance is Futile. You Will be Assimilated."

/me drags Kirk with her, kicking and screaming. "Aw, shaddup, Hammet. I'm not gonna hurt you, I just want to dress you up." /me spots Lars looking lost and about to cry. Could someone take care of the Dane, please?

I am displeased with Yahoo.
--Armelle Amaya

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